Normally if I buy from Amazon, I’ll buy from Amazon themselves. But, the other day, I bought myself a new steering wheel for my computer and as I was going for the cheapest one I could find (I don’t have the money for anything else at the moment), I went for a private seller who had a pretty good feedback rating…
Here’s what I ordered:
Here’s what I got today:
Can you spot the difference? Rather than sending me a piece of electronic equipment that plugs into a computer and allows me to control racing games or simulations in a more realistic manner, they sent me a Denim bag that’s labeled “only for girls” and is supposed to serve as a case for a Nintendo DS.
It annoys me a lot because we have NO money right now and I am buying a steering wheel at the expense of other things - because it relates to my job. I’m really hoping to be full-time soon, but in the meantime, even after being accepted by Immigration I still feel like the USCIS are screwing me, every day.
There’s a definite piece of me that doesn’t even feel worthy of a title like a second-rate citizen (because I’m not even qualified to call myself a citizen yet!)… ARGH! I just hate this stuff… I’m buying a $21 (twenty-one dollar) steering wheel that is a similar design to one I had almost ten years ago and I feel just totally held back. Like I’m back where I was ten years ago in my life… I feel very poor right now and them sending the wrong thing, although laughable, is kind of crushing. $21, and after waiting for it to arrive… Feeling happy that I’d be able to control the cars in the simulation properly at last - some ‘bag’ arrives instead.
I guess I’m too sensitive about spending any money right now and I feel like the $30.41 that company has of our money is something I know could be used for something better.
I have to tell myself and my wife “no” and say “we can’t” so much, you wouldn’t believe it. I hate doing it, but we can’t afford to do anything… After the highs of going to the (free) airshow on Friday and Saturday, it’s back to the grind now, where life is a constant struggle and my only real release is walking to the (free) Zoo in Lincoln Park. Just lately I haven’t even felt able to do that though because it’s so damn hot that if I go outside, I can’t afford to pay ‘tourist rate’ for a drink and I’ll probably keel over and die in the heat.
They’re right when they say that money doesn’t bring happiness, they are. But having none of it? That is soul destroying… Sheila has given up so much to be with me.
Here’s a quick list of the things that have been caused by having no money:
I live on soup and packet-rice. We occasionally make a stew but it has to last us a few days. We got married on April 11th, 2007 - in a courthouse (not every girls dream, exactly) - the ‘ceremony’ lasted just over 60 seconds. We planned to have a wedding ceremony on April 11th, 2008 - we couldn’t afford it. We will probably never have a wedding ceremony… Every time Sheila thinks about this, she gets upset. We buy clothes per-item when the old one falls apart (Sheila has one pair of comfortable gym shoes right now - find me another woman with one pair!) We wear (proudly) $40 plain gold bands as wedding rings, my ring - apparently - is a woman’s style but: It’s all we could afford. I sold my laptop when I came over here, it was fairly new and cost me $2000… I sold it for $650 and bought computer parts off eBay to build a desktop PC for $500. Why? We needed that $150 I didn’t use. We don’t buy anything we don’t feel we need. We don’t do anything we want to that costs money. The list goes on, and on, frankly I’m tired of writing them.
Being poor… Sucks. $30.41 - It’s nothing really, is it? It feels like so much money right now…