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You probably won’t want to read this if you’re turned off by toilet humor or brutal honesty. ;)

I went to Starbucks this morning for a cup of coffee… (Bear in mind this is real coffee, something we don’t drink that much in England, it’s very strong compared to our stuff…) I carried on walking around, taking pictures of the city, sipping from my coffee cup. I walked to Lincoln Park Zoo and continued taking pictures, then it came to leaving…

I walked through Lincoln Park and – OH MY GOD – I literally HAD to take a taxi because either it was that, or I was going to crap my pants right there. The whole taxi ride home I was farting silently – but nervously – wondering with each one whether it would be the one that would deliver wetness…

As the taxi pulled up at the back of our house, I handed him way too much money (but payment that he was probably due, considering the way his taxi smelled by the time I departed it), got out, waddled upstairs, sat on the toilet and just exploded…

I really need to learn from this and avoid Coffee entirely like I used to. I need my mum to send me some Douwe Egberts Instant Coffee from the UK…