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Archive for February, 2007

Polite Way to Pee

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?” Peter said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

I would say: “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to
meet after dinner.”

The teacher fainted.

This is the Amish computer virus

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

“Hello. As we lack the technology to make a proper virus, we will do this by the honor system. Please delete all the files on your computer. Thank you.”

Woah, does Al Gore need so much cowardly protection?

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

So, I posted an item about Al Gore’s electricity bill.

Guess what? I am getting emails telling me how wrong I am! Three so far, none of them giving a real name.

Let me explain something to you… I called Al Gore a hypocrite (which he is by the definition I explain below) and I don’t care if it is a “smear campaign” by someone against him (as long as it is true). The fact is, he is obviously allowed to own large homes and many of them, I never said I have an issue with that. I hate to break it to you but Al Gore is a hypocrite, he preaches how we should reduce our carbon footprint in order to save the planet, something he doesn’t do enough of. I honestly don’t think Al Gore is the saviour of the planet, I absolutely don’t. Al Gore is a politician.

Tony Blair isn’t a fan of photography then?

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Tony Blair has proposed banning photography in all public places unless you get a license first. So, you live in the countryside like my parents, you see a beautiful sunset and you want to take a photo of it over the fields nearby? Nope. You’re a tourist, you visit London and want to take a photo of the Houses of Parliament? Nope. You want to take a photo of your dog in a local public park? Nope.

Why is it that there are no laws on privacy while in a public place, but yet photographs could be banned there? Huh!?

If you are a British Citizen, please research and if you disagree with the proposed change to UK law, sign the petition to stop it…

Congratulations Al Gore

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Now this is funny…

Congratulations to Al Gore… Congratulations to you for convincing some of the richest people in the world (Hollywood actors) that you give a shit.

Congratulations to those richest people in the world for convincing the world that you give a shit too.

Al Gore’s Personal Energy Use Is His Own “Inconvenient Truth”
Gore’s home uses more than 20 times the national average

Last night, Al Gore’s global-warming documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, collected an Oscar for best documentary feature, but the Tennessee Center for Policy Research has found that Gore deserves a gold statue for hypocrisy.

Gore’s mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES).

In his documentary, the former Vice President calls on Americans to conserve energy by reducing electricity consumption at home.

The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh—more than 20 times the national average.

Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh—guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore’s average monthly electric bill topped $1,359.

Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore’s energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006.

Gore’s extravagant energy use does not stop at his electric bill. Natural gas bills for Gore’s mansion and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year.

“As the spokesman of choice for the global warming movement, Al Gore has to be willing to walk the walk, not just talk the talk, when it comes to home energy use,” said Tennessee Center for Policy Research President Drew Johnson.

In total, Gore paid nearly $30,000 in combined electricity and natural gas bills for his Nashville estate in 2006.

Al Gore lives in three mansions between 10,000-29,000 square-feet in size it is said. While some of these lavish, excessive homes may have renewable energy sources installed, it doesn’t seem to be making much difference to his energy usage, does it?

It seems most of America is busy licking Al Gore’s boots as he busily stomps a heavy Carbon Footprint into the planet he says he wants to protect… Hypocrite.

Source: Tennessee Center for Policy Research.

Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars Demo

Monday, February 26th, 2007
This demo includes a tutorial, two different missions as the Global Defense Initiative, and a one-versus-one skirmish map as GDI against a CPU-controlled Brotherhood of Nod army.
All units from both factions are available.
CANDC31 CANDC32

Nudist Colony

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, “Did you call for me?”

The man replies, “No, what do you mean?”

She says, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.”

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Later, the man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.

Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, “Did you call for me?!” says the hairy man.

“No, what do you mean?” asks the newcomer.

“It’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. “May I help you?” she asks.

The man yells, “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.”

“But, Sir,” she replies, “you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.”

The man replies, “Listen lady, I’m 63 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day. I’m outta here!”

Fuck Winter

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Fuck Winter

Allstate Advertisement

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Find out more about the advertisement (and see it in much better quality) at Allstate.com/crash.

The reason I am posting this is because I was there on one of the days of filming, check out the photos below.

Ad 1 Ad 2 Ad 3 Ad 4

Don’t mess with 70 year old ex-servicemen!

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007

After a gun was pulled on a 70 year old man and a group of other elderly tourists an U.S. ex-serviceman grabbed one of the men by his head, held him and broke his neck (killing him), the two other men ran off…

Don’t underestimate the retired on a gentle cruise, they could have been killing people during the Second World War and I’m sure trying to rob them wouldn’t be a good idea!